A cat scaling what’s left 
   of Castelo dos Mouros.
Creeping sideways into the narrow
   shadow between two rocks.
Her disappearing act.

   I call strangers over to tell them 
what I saw. We blink
   at the crumbling ruins she left 
behind. Please believe me.
   She clambered here. Against the will 
of Portuguese Crusaders.

   Almost all tortoiseshell
cats are females. They deserve
   names. Like Salem and Jiji. 
Descended from witches. No one
   wants to admit their power.

These days. Everyone is scared
   to put the word vagina in a poem.
It’s always cowry shell. Halved 
   mango. Mother of souls. I think
Vagina is a beautiful name 
   for a baby girl. Salem. Jiji.

I name every stray I find.
   I name armies of cats. Crusaders.
When they disappear into ruined 
   shadows I replace them.
Circe. Binx. Culminating 
   toward the point
where flesh meets claw.
   Skin pulled taut. A speck of blood

marks the entry wound. I took the bus 
   here. Through layers of fog.
The windows became opaque.
   I drew tic tac toe in the condensation.
A small French boy beat me. 
   Fair and square. Humiliation.

We played again. X’s. O’s. Draw. 
   Winning is far off. These days.
Winning is gauche. I tell myself this 
   to feel better. I name more cats.

Lilith. Nyx. I move through 
   time. I tense. Passed present.
Had a dream that I was pregnant. 
   I present: future. In the dream

my stomach feels solid. Full of rock. 
   A courtyard where the moss
growing between stones is so vibrant 
   the whole floor is made to look green.
Melon rind. Fascia. Only millimeters between

   the world and what’s in my stomach 
at any given time. To my left
   is Palácio da Pena. Red and yellow.
I can only be one color. The palace laughs.
   The castle spits me out. Waking

from a dream is like escaping a bunker. 
   The subconscious is a warring place.
I tried to write the feeling. Of a cat 
   curled up on my chest but she
wouldn’t sit still. I tried to know myself 
   but I had no name. The saddest story

is one with no ending. Or no.
   An ending that prompts you to start again.